Sarahndipity

Aug 25

Sorry, I can't hear you over how demanding I am.

• Me: Can you pick up some flowers for your mom before dinner tonight?
• Him: Good Idea, what kind should I get?
• Me: Oh, whatever, something pretty. It might be nice to have some for our house, too.
• Him: Ok.
• Me: It would be really nice if they were lilles.
• Him: Got it.
• Me: But make sure that they're a nice shade of pink, not too peachy.
• Him: Ok.
• Me: And also make sure that they're not too opened or they'll die sooner.
• Him: *remembering when the words boyfriend and manservant weren't synonymous*

shorterexcerpts:(via juliasegal)

 I wasn’t ready for this yet today.

Solid Life Effort, Sarah

I think the quality of my attitude is inversely proportional to the amount of swearing I do. 

Yeah, today we’re at about one in every six words.

I'm not sure that it would be possible to effectively communicate just how much I don't care today.

catherine-elise:justbesplendid:(via mytickledpink)

(via meepmeepmeep)

thedailywhat:

Buy This: Cigarette-shaped butane lighter from DealExtreme.

Sure, you could light your cigarette with a cigarette-shaped lighter, but unravelling the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroying the entire universe might put a damper on your ability to smoke. Just saying.

[via.]

 Oh, because having a cigarrette shaped lighter after spending a couple hours in the bar would ALWAYS END REALLY WELL.  I’m dumb enough already, do we really need to make things more complicated?

dealbreaker:(via theidiotking)

I need a couple of minutes of silence.

And by a couple minutes, I mean no one fucking talk to me today.

This message is brought to you by the My Co-workers Are All Fucking Idiots Association.  (You know, the MCAAFIA)

Aug 24

I'm having a moment.

I spend $250 dollars on groceries today.  Two Hundred and Fifty Mother Fucking Dollars.  Obviously, this isn’t just food for me.  It’s food for the jolly green fucking giant I live with - and we ‘split’ groceries.  Except I think it would take me six months to eat that amount of food.  So we split the cost.  I need a couple minutes.

Two hundred and fifty dollars.  Mama coulda bought a new pair of shoes.  A girl can live on lettuce and ramen noodles.